Stealing a column from the venerable Zack Lowe, here are Five Things I Liked and Didn't Like from the biggest day in sports. 1. The Game.
And don't give me that nonsense about "oh it was a coaching chess match," or oh I'm so sophisticated, how dare you barbarians not enjoy defense." You people are no better than the pretentious people that make fun of fans for liking "sports-ball." The Super Bowl game was a stinker, and that's okay to admit. Defensive struggles can be good and entertaining. What we saw Sunday was not that. A low-scoring game does not equal defensive master class. The defenses did play pretty well, but it was nothing so spectacular to make up for the poor offensive performances by both teams. Goff proved what the Eagles and Bears already showed, that if the Ram's can't run, he can't perform. He missed on tons of throws, whiffing a sure touchdown by lofting the ball, hitting C.J Anderson in the back of the head, and the game sealing interception by Gilmore with 4 minutes left to go that was a terribly floated ball. That is not entertaining football. Brady was only marginally better, his first interception was an awful wobbler of a throw, and his second pass was no better. He did redeem himself with a gorgeous dime to Gronkowski to set up the go ahead score at least. But this was one of the worst Super Bowls to date. Still not worse than Super Bowl 49's blow out however. But it doesn't hold a candle to the last three Patriot's runs. The Rams really disappointed, and the Gurley situation continues to baffle everyone. Shout-out's to Rob Gronkowski dragging his broken body through the game, as well as MVP Julian Edelman who may be playing himself into the Hall of Fame on playoff football alone. Patriots O-Line coach Dante Scarnecchia continued to show why he is the best in the business by neutralizing that Ram's defensive line as much as one can, only letting one sack go and letting Michel continue his stellar season by posting a 18 carry, 94 yard 1 touchdown line. There were no highlights for the Ram's, even Hekker's record setting punt needed the luckiest roll of all time to make it, not impressed.
2. Prop Bets
As a newcomer to the betting world, I see why it's so addictive. Maybe it was the fact that the game was such a snooze-fest and my team wasn't in it, but the most excited I got was when Gisele Bundchen got on twice in a row to go over on the Gisele Bundchen sightings prop bet. Just like Fantasy Football, having something else on the line when your team is not in the game really makes it more entertaining. I didn't have anything on the game itself, but this Super Bowl has definitely made me consider it. Other betting highlights included Gladys Knight getting to the last line of the anthem with 20 seconds to spare and then MILKING that last line for all it was worth to go over and blue Gatorade getting dumped on Bill Belichick. Biggest surprise of the night was the lack of a Belichick McVay age comparison. Sorry to everyone who took my advice during the Super Bowl show, I lost you guys some cash.
3. Genesis 6
Much more entertaining than the Super Bowl was a video game tournament that ran at the same time (which is really horrendous scheduling by the way, but worked out great for me). Still the magic of smart phones allowed me to tune in during the many lulls of the Super Bowl, and it was totally worth it. Genesis 6 was a Super Smash Bro's tournament, and it was exciting. An incredible loser's run by Axe got me out of my seat much more than the Super Bowl, and he did it with a traditionally mediocre character. It was akin to a golfer on purposely using bad, low-grade clubs because he is more used to them, going against the best players with the best equipment in the world. He managed to defeat another player who he has looked hopeless against for the better part of 4 and a half years, a monumental moment. Melee was tense, thrilling and highlight filled, everything the Super Bowl wasn't. Congratulations to Hungrybox for the overall win.
4. The Super Bowl Half Time Show
I liked the set list that Maroon Five went with, paying homage to the older Songs About Jane stuff that got them very popular, before getting to the pop anthems that made them super stars. That and Big Boi swagging out with a fur coat rapping "The Way You Move" was about the only highlights of the show. The way that Adam Levine chose to sing his older catalog was weird and didn't come off right (maybe preserving his high voice for the later songs) and his odd gyrating dancing didn't do him any favors either. Also did any remember Levine being that tatted up? From one twitter user, "Adam Levine looks like a Chipotle Bag." Can't say I disagree. The Sponge-bob tease that was only a tease that never really payed off was disappointing, and I was not excited for Travis Scott coming out of a cartoon comet. At least they kept it short, if not necessarily sweet.
5. Super Bowl Commercials
People over-hype the commercials for the Super Bowl way too much. They expect every single commercial to either make you cry with feelings or laughter. If you take a more measured approach, it is much more enjoyable. If I come out of the game even remembering one commercial I consider it a success. Bud Light came out incredibly strong with two fantastic commercials. I couldn't believe they were able to straight up use Miller and Coors Light in it, but the first one was the funniest of the night. The second was an incredible surprise crossover with Game of Thrones that was so unexpected but brilliant. Props to Bud Light for being okay with getting their mascot getting killed and a dragon setting the king on fire, as it was the best commercial of the Super Bowl. Losers were definitely the creepy Turbo Tax robot baby that was simply horrifying, and the incredibly unappetizing Burger King ad with Andy Warhol that left me with way more questions than a fast food commercial should.
Bonus: The Post Game Interview
Wow they really bungled this one. Went way to early, trying to get to Tom. The poor interviewer, who looked tiny next to Brady, was getting crushed by the crowd and awkwardly ignored as Brady did his post game talking with teammates and opponents. Incredibly poor handling by CBS.